FAIRFAX COUNTY, Va. – Parents, voluntarily giving up their kids as they get older, close to the kids being teens, or in their teen years. It’s a huge problem in Virginia.
It’s called “relief of custody.” Hundreds of the petitions have been filed in just the past five years.
But people don’t realize how big of a problem this is.
“In the western part of the state, we have about 20% of the population, but we have probably close to 50% of the relief of custody petitions filed,” said Renee Brown, the CEO & President of DePaul Community Resources, who is part of an advisory group for the Virginia Commission on Youth to try and solve the issue.
RELATED: We investigate as more parents are giving up their kids in this part of Virginia
When parents start talking about it, they are in crisis and want to give up but we found one place in Virginia that is preventing families from being ripped apart. Fairfax County’s prevention model could be a game changer for the rest of Virginia, and other states seeing the crisis.
“It’s easy to be like, they just want to give up their kid. It’s heartbreaking to hear the whole story of families of what brought them to this place where an adult is saying, ‘I can’t do this anymore,’” shared Emily Kim, a court liaison with Fairfax County Department of Family Services, who adds the work is extremely challenging.
“I think a lot of the ones that we see just find themselves in very impossible situations,” said Stephen Principe, another court liaison. “Relief of custody affects everybody. We’ve had all walks of life.”
He notes that many cases involve juvenile offenses within families, which can place parents in difficult positions where they have to chose between children. “Certainly we see a lot of juvenile sex offenses against siblings in the home,” he said, along with drugs like Fentanyl.
Kim says their data shows most relief of custody cases are not biological parents. She said it’s a relative, or another person who have taken custody of the child previously to prevent them from going into foster care.
“Over time, for various reasons, they are no longer able to, and they’re seeking that relief,” said Kim, who explained it could be the age of the guardian, their own mental/health situation or the child has just become too much to manage. “I think there are some families who have given it their all. They have genuinely given it their all and seeking a relief of custody is tearing them apart. Then there are other families where it’s, ‘Get this child out of my house, I’m done.’”
The relief of custody process begins inside the courthouse at the Juvenile Intake Services Office. Parents or guardians give information to the courthouse and that is then shared with court liaisons who can collaborate with community partners to keep children out of foster care. This team approach involves regular meetings to adjust services for the child(ren) and family as needed and can include the courts, schools, Community Services Board (CSB) to help pay for services and the Fairfax County Department of Family Services.
Principe said it’s about searching for what the family actually needs, and can the team find those services without having to change legal custody.
“I want to have a lot of compassion for families that are considering that choice, because I could imagine it being a difficult decision,” said Ashley Thorpe, a Behavioral Health Specialist for the Fairfax-Falls Church Community Services Board, who also emphasizes the importance of creativity in addressing families’ needs.
“We try to get creative in our approach,” she says. This can include providing restaurant gift cards for family outings to strengthen bonds. “As simple as that may sound, having those opportunities to connect and have fun together is important.”
Kim says the challenges faced by families are profound. “A lot of them don’t know specifically. They can’t say what they need. They’re just at their wits end, they’re in their own trauma, they’re tunnel vision, they want relief,” but they don’t want the child in foster care.
The court liaisons also talk to the child, typically at school.
“A lot of the time these youths have no idea. They have not been told their guardian has gone and filed this relief of custody,” said Kim, who admitted this is the most challenging part, because while the child acknowledges there are challenges, they think everything is going to be OK. “You’ve gathered that in the youth’s perspective, they’re safe and they’re somewhat secure and you’re ripping that away from them.”
Both court liaisons said they see visual changes in the child when they understand what is happening, and they experience a whole range of emotions from anger to sadness to denial.
Services that can be offered to families by the CSB can include:
- Behavioral health services and screening to determine what is needed
- Psychiatric diagnostic evaluations
- Individual, family and group therapy to address emotional, psychological, and/or behavioral issues that affect the child and/or family
- Parenting groups to help reduce challenging behaviors exhibited by their child and help improve their relationship
- Peer support that includes a range of activities and interactions between the youth, parent, or families and children who have lived similar experiences that promote connection and inspire hope
- Case management providing assistance in connecting to needed services
- Youth Medication Assisted Treatment (YMAT) opioid services that use FDA-approved medication and therapy to treat opioid and other substance use disorders
- Medication management for mental health to optimize medication use and improve outcomes
Residential treatment facilities or intensive in-home treatment can also be an option. The CSB will look at using a family’s private insurance, connecting them with Medicaid if they’re eligible and/or looking at the Children’s Services Act to pay for what is needed.
The timelines do not always match up with the court process. The family and child assessment happens within 45-60 days. This includes talking with the family, child, providers, anyone with meaningful information on the total picture and circumstances surrounding the family.
At the same time, the court process is going on. Relief of custody isn’t considered an emergency, so a status hearing is scheduled when there’s room on the docket - that could be months. The status hearing is about five minutes and is when the trial is scheduled.
At the trial, which could be months later, the parents are putting on a case of why they should be relieved of custody. It takes about six months to a year for the entire court process to happen.
“In my experience, the ones that do make it to court are ones that we (DFS) support entering care, because that means that absolutely every avenue has been attempted,” said Principe, who added when the judge grants a final order it can be a mix of emotions. “I think there’s got to be some relief, but I think it comes at a cost. I think it’s hard at the end of the day, this is a family member and I think people feel like they may have given up.”
Once the child gets over the initial shock, grief, sadness and anger in that moment, Kim said they have to pivot to what is next for that child. She says most of the time that is not a family. Instead, the child will be placed in some sort of group home or facility.
“They’re so young,” said Kim.
“Teens have probably the worst outcomes in foster care. Teens with severe behavioral or mental health concerns or challenges have even worse outcomes. So if we can meet the need without having to enter foster care, already, we’re a step ahead,” explained Principe.
Despite the challenges, Fairfax County has seen success in preventing custody changes. Over the past five years, more than 30 requests for custody relief were made, with only four reaching the final step of a judge’s decision. “We can’t even count the number of people that call us before families even go file,” said Principe, attributing this success to strong relationships and partnerships with case managers.
Kim says the people in regular contact with parents, like case managers and school social workers, are the ones going to hear, “‘I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to relinquish my rights.’ We’ve worked with our partners so that when they hear those things, they know immediately to call us.”
They estimate hundreds of calls like this over the years and it is proving prevention is key in these situations. Fairfax County’s approach is saving taxpayer money too for the area that has more than 1.1 million people living there.
“It’s always cheaper, more cost effective to come in and help a family at the beginning stages. When they’re struggling with X, Y and Z instead of the whole gamut of needs. So not only are we using taxpayer money effectively, but we are saving lives, I would say, and helping keep families together,” said Thorpe.
However, there are limitations to this model.
“Time, I think, is one,” acknowledges Principe, highlighting the constraints of the court timelines.
Funding challenges and finding good providers without long wait lists, especially in rural areas, can also be a limitation.
“There is always hope,” said Kim, who adds sometimes that hope comes from the system, court liaisons and speaking hope into the situation. “But most of the time, the hope has sprung from the family. Somewhere in their system, they have found alternatives and they come up with solutions.”
Kim said that doesn’t happen frequently enough, but it does happen which signals the work they are doing makes it possible for families to remain together, even through crisis.
Once a relief of custody happens, Principe says it turns into a foster care case where parents/guardians are still allowed phone calls, visits, etc.
This article is also part of “Solutionaries,” our continuing commitment to solutions journalism, highlighting the creative people in communities working to make the world a better place, one solution at a time.
