ROANOKE, Va. – When you think of domestic violence, you might picture the victim as a woman and the abuser as a man. That’s what one Roanoke man thought until it happened to him.
“I tried everything, but it never got better,” said T, a domestic abuse survivor.
T did not want to show his face on camera. He said he escaped an abusive relationship in April after spending 10 years with her.
“It was good, you know, for the first few years. And then it started turning into arguments and being talked in any kind of way and being called names,” said T.
T said, at first, the abuse was emotional and psychological.
“I took that for a long time because I thought it would get better,” said T. “I can’t say I knew it wasn’t normal, but I thought we could work it out. I thought we could work it out.”
He tried to leave four times but came back. Then, things turned physical.
“I would get, you know, get lotion bottles thrown at me. Just stuff thrown at me. Talked to very, very disrespectfully,” said T.
Eventually, T left for good and found the Turning Point, the Salvation Army of Roanoke’s shelter for survivors of domestic abuse. To his surprise, Turning Point is also a safe haven for male victims, too.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 1 in 10 men in the U.S. experience domestic violence.
“Men are just as emotional as females. And they struggle with that mental health issue, especially as it relates to abuse because of the stigmas,” said Capt. Jamie Clay, who runs the Turning Point.
Clay said the shelter won’t turn anyone away based on gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation.
“That does not matter to us. It matters that you are a human and you have the right to be safe and you have the right to have dignity,” said Clay.
According to the CDC, about 25 percent of the LGBTQ+ community experiences domestic violence. Transgender victims are about two times more likely to experience physical violence.
T hopes other men won’t feel embarrassed to get help.
“Yes, men do hurt too,” T said. “My advice to men is to get out. Life is so much better once you walk away.”